Paintings
Tribulation (From my bed)
I felt like I needed to paint this picture to express my inner most feelings and needs. This represents my safe space which is my bed. I feel huge comfort to be in this position and protected from the outside. A big importance for me was that I am naked , which exposes all of my insecurities and vulnerabilities.
The palette I chose was of muted, delicate colours to reflect that I am both physically and mentally ill.
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If I died in your arms
Acrylic on MDF around A3
This is a piece which means a great deal to me and I hold close to my heart. It reflects the self-comfort yet isolation felt when self soothing. The colours I chose reflect the deep sickness inside and the darkness of the shadow self.
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Gut Feeling
Acrylic on Canvas
With this painting I wanted to go back and revisit a style of painting that was one of my original loves but for multiple reasons I had drifted from.
It was driven from a time where I didn’t feel good enough in my life. I trusted other people’s opinions & perspectives rather than trusting my own gut instincts. I have now learnt that I am worthy and confident in my own abilities to follow my own path.
I have met many narcissists in my life who made me feel extremely lonely & confused as to why I followed their opinions rather than my own. I have now reached the stage in my life where I see my beauty . I am open to receive the same love and respect which I give to others.
Above all there is a reason for your gut instinct. If it doesn’t feel right go left.
Be kind to yourself. You are worthy.
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Safe bet
Mixed media on 21 X 28 Inch MDF
Mixed media on 21 X 28 Inch MDF
'Safe Bet' is about your emotions being so strong that they start to pour out in any way possible.
In any art, you can interpret what you want to see within it. However, as stated many times, I see myself as an autobiographical artist who uses their creation to process their emotions in a healthy way.
'Safe Bet' represents the almost suffocating impending sense of overwhelming range of emotions I feel, and how I feel how I have to put on a front for the majority of my life.
It's an ode to having to 'schedule in' when I can freely feel sad, and how this sometimes completely boils over and spills out in any way possible.
To represent this feeling accurately to my personal experience, I painted the stereotypical tears in blood to show the pain that this carries.
The overall composition is meant to represent looking at yourself in the mirror when you're having one of these moments.
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I don't think I've changed
Mixed media on wood
I created this piece to reflect a feeling of when you observe yourself in the mirror there feels like there is only half of you there. It resonates with an almost nostalgic narrative, searching for pieces that are lost so no longer felt, but yearned for deep inside. On further seeking of brutal truth comes the realisation that you are not okay. This side can he hidden in the light no longer. The lie can longer be perpetuated. That is okay. Embrace the whole of you, the dark alongside the light.
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Trial
Acrylic on A0 Canvas
Acrylic on A0 Canvas
Trial is a look in to how we comfort ourselves when nobody is watching. I painted the figure in green tones to show the sickly feeling, and that mental health issues are an illness. For many of us who suffer with it, we also feel physically ill. The woman is naked to reflect how intimate and personal this action is.
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Motion sickness
Around A0 in size. 82x102cm. Acrylic on canvas.
"Motion Sickness" is a love letter to being who you are unapologetically, and an ode to my little sister, who is the most beautiful person I will ever be blessed enough to know.
The composition of this painting is meant to reflect looking at yourself in the mirror, and finally liking what you see. My painting style pays ode to all the different and beautiful pieces of ourselves, making us whole.
I love you always Liv. You are so perfect, never forget that X
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Two heads with one body
Mixed Media, A2
I found creating these pieces of art to be a very cathartic release resonating with the feelings of poor mental health. It demonstrates the practice of second guessing yourself & the reality you find yourself in.
I, myself have struggled with poor mental health for as long as I can remember. One of my main symptoms is Disassociation, which is a mental process of disconnecting from one’s feelings, thoughts, memories or sense of identity. I often feel like I’m on the outside of myself looking in, more of an observer rather than a willing participant . I wanted to create a tangible piece of work in which I could pour my feelings into & set them free. I sometimes feel like part of me wants to run away , and the other part is trying to stay grounded.
The Wheel of time turns to reveal new beginnings. It’s a battle between two worlds but there are no winners or losers here. Both parts are equally valid. Seeing the goodness in yourself alongside the fractured pieces demonstrates a willingness to heal.
This is the ultimate self-love.
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I loved you. I f***ing well loved you
Mixed media on A0 Canvas
Art is subjective, and what I love most about it is that so many people can derive their own thoughts, feelings, and theories behind a painting.
In saying this, I know that personally, I like to hear answers to questions I don't yet know.
So, I thought I'd start a regular blog post to explain some of my more personal work, to those who'd want to know.
“I loved you, I f**king well loved you” is quite literally, the most cathartic piece of work that I have ever produced. It is messy, thick, chaotic, and explosive. I pretty much attacked my canvas with a pallet knife until the faces I’d painted were unrecognisable. This was to symbolise that I am so angry, but also trying to wipe the slate clean in my own mind. I don’t want to be scared of relationships in any capacity anymore, just because people who needed to go to therapy decided to f*ck me up instead.
I have always struggled with the power dynamic within relationships, whether that be platonic or otherwise. Without getting too deep or messy, near to all the relationships in my life have been in the other person’s favour; I give, give, and give, whilst the other party continues to take everything that I have only to then leave me empty.
As I have grown older, wiser, and uglier, I have started to question my roles within my friendships/relationships with others in my life. At first, to my detriment, combing over every sordid detail of every time that I have been taken advantage of, spoken down too, walked all over, all whilst trying to give whoever it may be the world to make them happy.
I’ve now realised that this isn’t my place and never was – and just because too many people (myself included) haven’t been shown a great example of what love is meant to be, doesn’t mean that I can or should be hurt or used whilst they’re figuring it out. I’m no longer going to allow myself to be a practice run for people to navigate their skewed relation to what they think that love is.
Without going in depth to my experiences, this painting was my way to let out my frustration, hurt and confusion in a healthy way, which hopefully others could get some form of catharsis from too.
And finally, to anyone reading this who is a driving force for this painting…
I loved you. I f*cking well loved you. F*ck you.
